Good afternoon everyone and a happy Sunday to you! Before I get started, let me preface this by saying that a good deal of my difficulties comes from the fact that I am picky about looks. In a perfect world, I would put all my stock in emotional connection and not be so shallow as to let someone's appearance sway my attraction, but unfortunately I am not so pure. I am drawn to pretty people and despite my best efforts to recondition my brain, I don't think that will ever change. 🤷 Now that I have honestly laid that out in the open and we are all on the same page, let me explain my title.

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I fully acknowledge that I am a kinky degenerate. After years of adult videos, reading about the psychology that fuels BDSM play and CNC roleplay (along with the importance of consent and crystal clear communication), and having the privilege of experiencing the excitement that comes with mutually shared kinks with a partner, I can say that I have drunk the poison and am all in. I absolutely love Shibari (not just for play but as a beautiful artform) and dream of getting enough practice to eventually feel confident enough to learn suspensions. Vibrators, butt plugs, blindfolds and ball gags have become the norm, in my head, so much so that the idea of tying my partner up and strapping her to sex machine seems less like a kinky fantasy or more like a fun Sunday afternoon. Even spanking, edging, and calling a partner my “needy slut” and “helpless little f*ck toy” is just the status quo for foreplay and dirty talk. All this to say, I think it's pretty clear I am no longer vanilla and would probably scare away most women if I honestly answered the dreaded question, “So, what are you into?

On the other hand, despite my undeniably kinky desires, I am actually pretty reserved outside of play. I am happy to talk and learn about kink with with people who are interested and I trust, but I have no interest in attending private play sessions, kink shows, or other kink community gatherings. As a monogamous man, I only like to get intimate with one person, so the idea of playing around with multiple people at once is at best awkward and at worst genuinely uncomfortable. Also, I have no interest in power dynamics or TPEs that extend outside of play. For the record, I am not condemning these lifestyles. They just aren't for me.

The problem is that I feel like I am a bit of an outlier. There are plenty of women on Fetlife who enjoy the things I like, but all of them are usually polyamorous (aka not compatible with monogamy) and into things like public exhibitionism, group play, or being a Hot Wife, or they are fully invested in some kind of full time dynamic. Despite how kinky I can get during play, I know full well these kinds of relationships would not work out for me in the long run. On the other side, as I said earlier, I feel like most vanilla or inexperienced women would be grossed out by some of the things I would like to do to and say to them, and even if they were kind enough to try it for my sake, as a Pleasure Dom, I only enjoy things my partner likes, so I would just feel selfish and unfulfilled the whole time.

I supposed the point of this rant is to see if anyone else can relate and if so how have you dealt with this? Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you have a great rest of your Sunday. 🙂