Friday night I went to a local scenes NYE play party. It was fun socializing and having dinner. I went with my daddy dom whom we are still getting acquainted and developing a dynamic. He’s new to the scene /events and was his first party.

This was my first party back in a year after having a major friendship fall out within the community. Luckily, the individual wasn’t at this party, but many people that I knew when I was friends with her.

Once the party started to ramp up, I found myself uncomfortable. I had not intended to do any scenes, nor have I really wanted to. I’ve always been very private about my sexual life and PDA.

I just found it all to be way too in my face all of the different scenes happening. It was a pretty busy party as well. I started to visibly feel unwell , zone out, and everything just felt like way too much. I wasn’t even doing anything except sitting on my daddy‘s lap Watching people.

I had many negative thoughts racing through my mind, many of which probably stem from a lot of sexual shame.

I never judge people online for seeing things, but for some reason in person, it was just way too much .

I am starting to think that maybe the scene isn’t for me and that I do not enjoy public play, nor watching people I just felt like it was not right to watch them doing some of the things I saw .

I’m really confused :( can we talk about it?