Finding someone to connect and play with would be so much easier. I tried to be dominant a few times, and it was disastrous. I have no idea what to do and it was really awkward... I also tried being a switch, and that doesn't work well either. I don't find myself in this dynamic. the best I managed to achieve, looks more like being Brat than dominant yet in everyday life, I have been an authority figure. I have been in law enforcement my entire career. every day, I was the one who ordered things. why am I not able to do it in the bedroom?

I've spent all my life in a "vanilla" relationship type, where there was always something missing, always waiting for something that never comes, when in theory it is me who should initiate and control the situation and not wait for anything. What scares me the most is that I don't remember how long I've been like this. It seems that for as long as I can remember I have always dreamed / wanted / wished to be submissive

how did you know you were like that? has it always been in you? have you developed this type of relationship? where do you take your "pleasure" being a Dom/sub?

I feel like I am searching for a needle in a haystack, I navigate through the complexities, hoping to find that elusive truth.