Hello all!

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this (I also plan on asking this same question over on the ENM subreddit as well), but I'm possibly starting an ENM relationship soon (as in both of us being solo ENM-curious people and starting a new relationship together with ENM in mind from square 1, *not* mono opening up into ENM or either of us having other partners already) and one of the things I'd possibly like to explore at some point is having a play partner focused on the more "serious / formal" dynamics of BDSM as well as exploring things like impact play / pain play in general - things that my (hopefully!) soon-to-be partner aren't very into - out of personal curiosity of exploring BDSM more in general.

We're both fairly kinky already and have a wonderful sex life with amazing amounts of clear and honest communication, but we tend to enjoy more of the playful / lighthearted end of the BDSM spectrum with each other (such as praise, objectification, obedience, etc. - which I absolutely adore and enjoy our dynamic of!!!) and we've openly talked about impact and pain play / more "serious" BDSM (more strict obedience / general sub training, degradation, heavier power exchange, non-sexual BDSM for reaching subspace / release rather than sex, etc.) being anywhere from a "no interest" to full limit for them (fully understandably!), but are things I would like to explore further with someone to see if it's something of interest to me and/or get more involved with the local BDSM communities in general.

However, I have trouble picturing what that might look like in the general / functional sense (what to discuss, how the dynamic would work, what to ask a primary partner to check-in boundary-wise before doing anything, etc.) since the idea of this kind of dynamic (ENM with a BDSM play partner / basically BDSM FWB) is very new to me.

(And to pre-face: I know the ultimate answer is "ask your partner and communicate see how they feel about it" which is genuinely very sound advice and I definitely will later on! But right now I'm just trying to get a general hypothetical idea / scope of what to expect / how to navigate something like this / etc. before bringing it up with said partner - basically the "research and learn" stage of things if you will, lol)

With all of that in mind, questions are:

- Has anyone been in this kind of dynamic before - of having a primary partner and an additional BDSM play partner to explore different kinks with - that would be open to sharing their general experiences with it?

- If so, what kind of things did you discuss with your primary partner(s) beforehand? What kind of rules / boundaries / etc. did y'all decide to set?

- Same questions for your BDSM partner(s) - what rules and boundaries did y'all decide to set when your primary partner gave the green light for y'all to start playing with one another?

- How did y'all manage aftercare? (I was thinking aftercare would primarily be with BDSM partner, with possibly some additional aftercare such as just some extra cuddles or etc. with primary if needed said primary was ok and willing to doing so)

- Did you decide to do sexual BDSM, non-sexual BDSM, or both? If non-sexual, what kind of things fulfilled those BDSM desires for you without it becoming sexual? Has anyone done a dynamic that's sexual, but without direct contact? (ex: using toys, bondage, vibrators, etc. instead of any actual genital contact)

- Did your primary partner(s) and BDSM partner(s) ever overlap, either in function of kinks (ex: "oh, you got x order from (Dom)? well, i'll be sure to make sure you stick to it ;) " / "be a good (x) for me and show off these pretty marks to (partner) when you get home and let me know what they say ;)" / etc.) or in general interactions? (ex: meeting / becoming mutual friends / etc.) Or were they kept completely separate in your dynamic?

- What things did you learn from the dynamic / wish you new before going into it?

- Any other thoughts, advice, anecdotes, etc?