I don’t know if this is my nature as a Dom, or as a Daddy, or as just a partner, or it’s my own trauma manifesting in how I approach dating, but I feel like I am often trying to “figure out” my sub/partner more than they are me. Or maybe it’s just societal norms being a 37 man who grew up in the religious south?

I should preface that I’m also a coach by day so it’s my job to figure people out and how to motivate them, but I feel like dating in the kink world as a DD I see a lot of, if not most, subs who are… idk passive… or lacking initiative? They’re just passengers. Their submissiveness seems to manifest as reactionary or passiveness and I end up driving the bus on understanding their motivations and desires around kink and in life.

I know the classic trope is the sub who patiently kneels and waits for their dom (figuratively or literally) but I see my ideal sub as a co-pilot or an XO.

Am I approaching this wrong? Or not bringing this upon the right way? Or is this just part of being a Dom?