I've been a sub most of my life and as I've gotten older (47f) I've been discovering that I'm a switch. It makes a lot of sense and I think with age comes a new form of confidence. I've always been in control of my day to day. I can lead people when needed. I've been described as scary, intimidating and straight forward. Naturally like a lot of subs I've craved giving up that control to my lovers. The pressure relief valve that gets turned is needed. I also enjoy pain as a release and it isn't sexual for me. I seek pain when I want to escape.

I connected with someone on Feeld who is a (42m) sub and he has a bit of experience and knows what he's looking for in a Domme. He loves the power exchange. Anything that I can do to remind him I am above him and powerful. He loves to be under my feet. Tie him to the porch in the winter and leave him there. He's in luck! It's winter. Being put in a kennel, he is into being restrained. I am not trained in restraints.

I am comfortable with the idea of doing these things and I understand his need to have this kind of play in his life to feel fulfilled. I also realize once I do it that could change.

And please note, I am not going to rush into this and do a bunch of extreme punishment without consent and without clear communication. I'm also not going to rush into anything just because it's new and exciting. That would be stupid. There is a community where I live and I'll be going to more meet ups and events. But it's hard to find time at the moment.

I want to start slow and educate myself. One thing I love is that I know how it makes him feel fulfilled and that brings me joy. We don't have a sexual relationship, although we've kissed just a little bit. We've discussed sex and it's not a priority.

So I come here asking more experienced kinksters, where and how do I learn about more extreme punishment and keep it safe. And any ideas on how to remind him I am always in control when we are not together.