Hey yall, im (35MTF) a sub and a masochist, been active in the scene since my early twenties and am pretty experienced. I played with a new Dom last night for our first time and it was great. He was very skilled and truly administered a lot of pain and punishment, more than ive had in a little while, which was very refreshing. My body is black and blue with bruises and welts all over (my vanilla husband saw me the next morning and said i looked like i got in a car accident lol) and everything hurts in the good way! While we were in the scene, i was obviously enjoying it because im a masochist and a pain pig and the pain itself is pleasurable to me. But in some of the more intense impacts, the ones that pushed my limits a bit, i white knuckled it past the initial pain. Sometimes i think part of my masochism, asides from genuinely getting off on pain, is rooted in a sense of pride, like a need to challenge myself and prove that i am tough enough to handle anything. It almost feels like a competition with myself. Now, im always playing with RACK in mind and use safewords (i actually had to call yellow at one point in this particular scene which is pretty rare for me), but it got me thinking how much of what im doing is for genuine pleasure and how much of it is to sort of prove to myself (and my Dom) that i can really take it? I know there is an inherent sort of risk element involved in that because it could potentially make me do things beyond what i can/should take, but i do try to be mindful that im not getting actually like, injured in a serious way and i wouldnt let it go as far as i did unless i really trusted an experienced Dom. That being said, i look at my bruises today and feel a sense of pride and self satisfaction for being able to take all that and im curious if any other masochists feel similarly after or during a session? Like aside from enjoying the pain itself?

Randomly im also a massive fan of Jackass (i even have a Jackass trampstamp lol) and i always think of their tagline "if youre gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough" in these moments ☠️