Consider this a post from someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're doing. I'm too scared to admit to anyone in person that I'm kinky (munches, events, bars, friends, no one knows except one ex, and I wish she didn't), and I feel stuck. And for some reason, Halloween is hard for me.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Although it's mostly been because Christmas has lost it's magic for me. I'll get this out of the way now, I used to be very depressed. Now I have managed to get to know me a lot more as a person, and feel more comfortable understanding and talking about my feelings. That said, no one wants to listen, and I get that. Anyways... Halloween seems to be so oddly kinky/sexy for me ever since I got into college.

Freshman year was in 2020, so the little I did see of people going out were through my window. But three years later, every year, I see beautiful people walking by on the street. Sexy outfits and sexy friends. I don't know if that's bad of me to say. If so, I'm sorry. I just feel the majority of people I pass on the street look very attractive, especially in their costumes.

My kinks range depending on who I talk to (which has been only online people thus far). But the mystique of kink is what really draws me in. Leather/latex/any shiny clothes (especially black) makes me feel something inside that I could only describe as excitement. Halloween is a time of year where this feeling is at it's peak. Usually I just think to myself, "that person's very attractive, and I understand that what draws me to them is the clothing." But in Halloween, I feel this way so much, that I end up talking myself into feeling lonely every year. Not so much a depression, but like a seasonal depression that I know comes around at this time of the year. It's gotten to the point where I fully anticipate it, and still fall victim to it.

I want to specifiy that I don't just mean the sexy leather or latex or whatever. The costumes people where are very revealing, sexy, fun, cute, all of the above, and it's hard to enjoy the holiday when I make myself feel this lonely. And the only person I can "blame" (if there needs to be one) is myself.

I want to meet people. I want to meet kinky, sexy, beautiful people I can make laugh, have fun, enjoy life or moments with. I don't need everything; I just want something. But I can't get out of my own way. I don't look necessarily attractive. I'm not unattractive, but I'm not ripped, blond, chiseled. I'm funny, wear glasses, enjoy to make people happy, live, enjoy life. But I can't get out of my own way. I can't ever see myself offering anything worth while to a person I have a crush on, to a person in kink. I'd love a femdom, but I know that I'd only be worth the money she asks from me if she wanted it. Or he. I don't know. I'm too new.

I guess I'm posting here because I'm curious what people feel. About my situation, about yours. I want to know anything you'd like to say.

Thank you for ready my post.