My husband and I are new to the kink community. I’ve recently come to terms that I am sub. As a rule, I am very in charge of things during my everyday life. My husband is more of a ‘go with the flow’ kinda guy. With my anxiety, I can spiral into an anxiety attack very easily if I can’t calm my mind. It’s hard and exhausting to always be expecting something to go wrong and wanting to be prepared when it does. As a result, I’m really indecisive. I like when others make the decisions, it takes the thinking out of it for me. I’ve also come to realize that I’m a brat. I like someone making the decision for me but that doesn’t mean, I’ll make it easy or that I’ll follow a command immediately.

The thing is, I don’t think my husband has a dominant bone in his body. Correct me if I’m wrong but a dom, to me at least, is someone who takes charge, and uses their sub for their own pleasure but at the same time prioritizing their sub and their needs and health?

Like, I have a love/hate relationship with giving head. I love the power it gives me over my husband, but I have a SENSITIVE gag reflex. If he wants head more often why doesn’t HE do the research into ways to minimize a gag reflex and help keep me on track by reminding me to do the exercises or incentivize me to do them? I already have too much on my mind to add one more thing to do to my plate.

Also, what is a good way to go over the limits discussion and where can I research that?