So the long and short of it is that I recently spanked someone with a belt for the first time, I liked it well enough until I landed an actually painful hit for the first time - my play partner for that scene actually made a noise and that just hit me like a truck, and that's when I actually started enjoying it.

After that we ended up doing some regular foreplay, I was sitting on top of them and they asked me to bite them, so I did. At one point, I bit them harder than before, they screamed and that also made me feel amazing.

I know this is just one interaction, but I genuinely did not expect to enjoy inflicting pain as much as I did. My previous experience domming has always been non-sexual and on the softer side, so I thought I would always be more of a soft dominant.

I am weirdly conflicted about it, though?? Like, rationally, I know I would never enjoy hurting someone without their consent, but at the same time I keep having these thoughts of being a piece of shit for liking anything even remotely kinky, so there's that.

I know I'm ranting, but I have no one to tell this experience to except for like... one irl friend, so here I am dumping it on the internet.