On a scale of vanilla to Carolina reaper, my partner and I fall somewhere between cinnamon and shishito pepper. Our dynamic mostly shows up only during sex, and is not high protocol or anything like that. I don’t give her rules or tasks or major punishments—mostly just light impact, a bit of very basic rope play, some D/s flavored dirty talk and role play.

Sometimes she gets into bed, and she’ll just “have a little rest before getting to to brush teeth,” which invariably turns into passing right out, not to be roused for a nightly routine. If I try to get her to get up, my lady doth protest.

So tonight, when I suggested that she get up to brush her teeth before closing her eyes, she says, “Not yet!” I joked, “Maybe we need to make this part of a BDSM dynamic,” and her sultry retort was, “Only if your dick is my toothbrush!”

It had me in stitches. I dunno. Maybe you just had to be there.