Hello lovelies, my play partner (M26) and I (F27) accidentally stumbled upon humiliation play when we were messing around. We are both relatively now to BDSM (I went to a few munches / play parties and know some basics but he is my first regular partner) and to each other (1-2 months). I know that this is some advanced stuff so I'm looking to learn more about how to do it correctly before I delve deeper.

We did this twice so far, first time it was kind of accidental. I negatively compared him to one of my previous partners when we were messing around and that triggered a strong response in him. I then went deeper into comparisons with previous / current partners and attacking his self-worth in that way. I found it extremely attractive, but honestly I think we really fucked up that time. Afterwards he could barely distinguish between what was real and what was said in the context of the scene. I tried really hard to correct that perception. It also left me feeling evil for saying all these things I don't mean to hurt someone that I care about.

The second time we were texting and he baited me towards it by basically asking for a negative comparison with an ex. I stopped him for a second and set some ground rules: 1. everything that I say from now on is "scene stuff" (fictional) and he sould not believe it, 2. he can communicate feelings and boundaries outside of the "scene" by putting stuff in brackets (he used it). At the end I made sure to let him know how highly I actually think of him. I feel it went a lot better this time, but I still want to understand how to do this even more carefully in the future.

Therefore I'm turning to this lovely community for any resources (articles, books, YT videos) or advice. Thank you all for bearing through this post and any comments🖤