Im a mid 20s curvy F that recently met up a few times with an experienced, well connected to the bdsm community, Dom.

First date, wasn’t any hard play. He mentioned a few times about “classically hot” girls in his past experiences, nothing too eye opening but it was clear to me he had a type. Thin, blonde and fake tits pretty much the opposite of me. Despite this, the chemistry felt pretty electric and mutual.

Second date, we went to a “bondage night” at a club. Beforehand, we met up to discuss limits and chat more in general. While I am masochist that enjoys heavy impact play/humiliation, my two hard degradation limits are to not be called ugly or hear weight comments. Ive suffer with body dysmorphia and low self esteem since I was a kid, though Ive been really working to improve the last few months. I had mentioned my limits to him before we went into the club.

A few hours into being at the club and adrenaline faded off, I realized my feet really hurt in the heels I was wearing (heels he requested I wear). I made a brief comment of how my feet were hurting but nothing whiney. He responded along the lines of “if you ate less, the heels would hurt less.” At this point I was handcuffed, feeling submissive and a little tipsy. I was honestly shocked so I just looked at him.

He saw my face and quickly said “that wasnt a weight comment” but it obviously was. Ive seen him once after that on a normal drinks date that went fine, but I think Im being ghosted now.

Im not new at all to bdsm, and Im confident in who I am as a submissive. But this is the first time Ive felt pretty rejected. His comment keeps circling in my head and Im not sure how to move on from this experience. Like I mentioned previously, hes well connected in the local scene. If I go to an event, theres a strong chance Ill see him. Am I overreacting about this? Any advice on how to move past the comment and/or what to say if I run into him in public?

Thanks for reading.