Hey all -

A sub partner has suffered trauma early in life, and we had managed to avoid triggering that for some time through conservative play and lots of communication.

Unfortunately she was recently triggered when we played intensely and she dropped into a deep subspace state where in her mind she was trying to safeword, but due to her non-responsiveness she was physically silent.

I ended the scene myself when I checked in and got no response, but clearly there was a period of time where she was unable to communicate her desire to end the scene. She says in her mind she was panicking for perhaps 30 seconds inside her head, feeling as if she wasn’t being heard, taking her back to her trauma. Not something we really want happening I would think.

She took maybe 15 minutes to process the triggering (wanted to be left alone) as she shook and shivered, and after I covered her in a blanket and let her lie she was okay and requested to continue play.

After a few months she has requested that we visit that level of intensity again. She expressed that the triggering was actually beneficial to her and helped her face some demons in safety. She seems to want to actually face those sorts of demons again head on. Not only willing to risk being triggered but even seeking it out.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or perspective of either a sub with similar experiences/trauma, or as a Dom with a similar sub.

1. I suggested one way to avoid the non-responsive issue is to do very frequent check ins when intensity rises and she becomes quiet. Actively ask for confirmation to continue regularly. That seems the most conservative and safest approach.
   

She countered that this might pull her out of the subspace and the healing / intensity that she desires. Can anyone help me understand her point of view? And is there another way I can help her retain ability to safeword while letting her remain deep in subspace that doesn’t involve constant check ins?

1. Can her being triggered and reliving prior trauma actually be a good thing? Or should this be avoided at all costs, regardless of what she says she thinks she wants?
   

The armchair psychologist in me thinks that being non-responsive and feeling trapped helped take her back to her trauma, and she was able to get some comfort at being taken care of by me after it happened. Clearly we have a bit of a philosophical conflict if being triggered is the desire when being triggered is what I try to avoid.

Now that I know what she needs when she is triggered I feel I can give her exactly what she needs if it happens again. But I want to make sure it is an emotionally and mentally safe thing to do.

I feel that she has the control, maturity, and temperament to deal with her own healing should she again face her demons, so I am not terribly concerned. But, I want to do the right thing.

Any other thoughts are welcome.