I’ve always been a submissive. My husband and I have a TPE DDlg/1950s dynamic and it’s what has always worked for us with a bit of adjustments over the years to accommodate life changes.

Then one time, my husband hired someone and let me have full control (we talked about it first). He didn’t join in, just looked on to make sure nothing got out of hand.

I felt a bit lost and confused that first time because I had no idea what to do; I had to take suggestions from my husband. Then when I got into my own rhythm, I started doing things that were more sadistic in nature (my husband isn’t a sadist). It felt like an out of body experience. After, it felt like it awakened a part of me that I didn’t know existed.

I later asked my husband how he knew it was something I had in me and he said, he just thought I needed a different form of release.

We ended up doing it a handful of times over the years- not often and I don’t feel like I would want it often either- and I slowly took control of the planning too, from initially letting my husband pick someone to me now saying what my preference in the person is. I also plan the logistics a couple of weeks beforehand which gets me feel really giddy with excitement.

It’s something I enjoy in a completely different way. When I’m submissive with my husband, the pleasure feels more like peace and everything is soft but when I’m in control of someone else, the pleasure feels more like electricity that makes alive.

Can anyone else relate to this?