Hi, I, 41F have been married to my husband, 41M, since we were 21. We were in a very strict church which is the main reason why we married young. That church became cult-ish and controlled much of our lives, including the bedroom. It was so bad that I no longer go to church due to trauma. My husband is still very much involved in church (a different one) and while he has relaxed some of the beliefs we were indoctrinated with (no premarital sex, no oral/anal while married, no masturbation, etc.). He’s still a little rigid in his thinking about sex. He’s fine with oral now but otherwise, he still has some of those other beliefs. Anyway, I am pretty sure that I need a level of domination in bed. I have a high stress job and basically project manage our home and finances, too. And, unfortunately, in the bedroom, I am checked out. I cannot get my head in the game… ever. I can perform sex acts but have no interest in receiving and don’t even associate sex with my husband with pleasure. It is something I do to and for him. I think that the issue is that I need a certain level of care and releasing of control in order to be responsive, but that just is not who he is or how he operates. I want to stay married because we have kids and cheating or opening the marriage is not an option. I have mentioned it to him but he’s not the type of guy to take a lot of initiative in this area without me guiding him every step of the way…but that approach feels incompatible with what I need because I’d once again have to be the “project manager.” Anyway, I fear that I am doomed to having a lackluster sex life for the foreseeable future and never unlocking my sexual desires and potential.

TLDR: I think I need kink. Husband is vanilla af.