So basically I've done some soul-searching and realised that, especially in a kinky setting, I would feel more confident with a more masculine/non-conforming presentation.

I identify as nonbinary and was assigned female at birth. People usually percieve me as a cis woman, though, because anything vaguely feminine = woman.

In my city there's a play party about once or twice a month, I've gone there once and I would like to go again. Lately I've realised that I actually can wear lingerie, or sexier stuff, as long as it's masculine - think bulldog harnesses, jockstraps, basically anything a stereotypical masculine gay guy would wear to look hot. The thought of wearing those things makes me very euphoric and I think they'd boost my confidence.

Except that I am scared of trying to be more masculine/non-conforming because people in my local scene don't really seem to be? At that play party no one looked like me, the most non-conforming it got was the one of the DJs who looked like Pete Burns. Otherwise it was just mostly masculine-leaning cis men and feminine-leaning cis women, maybe they had a more alternative look to them but it was still very binary.

I have been to a few munches in my local area and it's mostly straight people. Same for that play party, it was mostly cis straight people.

I know that the kink scene should be supportive of all genders, kinks, ethniticy, sexuality etc. But I know that isn't really the case sometimes. I am afraid being a masculine-leaning presentation, especially because I am plus-size, will just make me less desirable?? I wanna play with people and looking more conventionally attractive does give me better chances at that. People tend to approach me more and are more willing to talk to me when I look feminine.

I am also afraid of my presentation being treated like a fetish when it isn't. I just think I'd look hot in a jockstrap and a bulldog harness.

Has any other person been in this type of situation? Idk, it'd be nice to know the experiences of other masc-presenting afab people. Just so I know what I can expect from people in case I do decide to embrace my more masculine side.