This is my first time posting here, so please bear with me! TLDR at the bottom if you don’t want the details

Last night, I was being bratty, I opened packages (filled with BDSM toys/tools) on my own that we were going to open together, I denied his request to suck him, and there was also a command that I chose to ignore, I earned a punishment.

We are both new to the dom/sub lifestyle, but have been experimenting with BDSM play for many years. I’ve always been turned on at the idea of being a sub, and recently (over the summer) we took the step of collaring and making it more official. There have been punishments, they always fit the crime, but never anything severe. We’ve talked about catharsis, and how lately I’ve bottled up a bunch of emotions and am having a hard time letting go, so we agreed a few weeks ago that my next punishment would be more severe (assuming it is earned) and aim for catharsis.

He said he felt he could use a release too, and I assumed that sort of punishment could be the release we both needed.

Circling back to last night. My punishment was (deservedly) severe. I was bound in a kneeling position to the couch, and he caned me. I winced, I wept, I needed it, I let go. When he finished, and was giving me wonderful after care, we talked about it, and I told him I felt so much better and experienced the cathartic release I was hoping for. That is when he said he didn’t have that same release - though he said he did enjoy it, and found it incredibly erotic/kinky/taboo.

This is what leads me here… was I just wrong to assume that doms get cathartic releases from doling out punishment? Is there a way for a dom to get relief of that sort through BDSM play/scenes? What does that look like?

I appreciate you reading this far!

TLDR: How does a dom achieve a cathartic release within the realm of BDSM?

TIA for any insight :)