We began dating in spring, I’m the Dom (M) and she’s the brat/sub (F). Both very experienced. Both of us in slutty dating phases prior to meeting each other. We were initially attracted to each other as people with the kink as an added bonus.

Early on she would get into a submissive state of mind via impact, rough / CNC, and overall loss of control scenarios. However as we have evolved within our vanilla relationship, she’s told me that it’s been more difficult to enter that submissive state of mind, even with our usual dynamics.

My theory is that as we have evolved in our relationship, that security and stability along with work and school stress, has made it difficult to fully engage and get “lost” in the dynamic.

We have discussed this “issue”, for want of a better word, and overall it doesn’t bother either of us. Our relationship is still stable, the power dynamic is still in effect, and we are very happy with each other, our sex life, and our bdsm dynamics. I would like to brainstorm solutions to this however, before it becomes an actual issue.

As a Dom with multiple past submissive partners, this is a new predicament for me. Before, despite the timeframe, type of relationship, or stresses going on, the ability for my past submissives to get into the proper headspace was never an issue.

I was wondering if anyone in the community has dealt with this before, how they approached it, and could offer tips on what to do? I’m planning a scene for this week, after family time and what not is completed.