I been wondering if this is a common issue and what one could do to handle this? I had a very fun....play? (Super vanilla) with my romantic partner. I loved the physical aspect of it but the moment he said something i felt ...wrong. I love him and i serve him. But we dont have a d/s dynamic. Since i liked the physical part and he agreed to try this part of bdsm with me i wondered what if we could eventually dig into more. But i cant open up to him about this side of me (shame, guilt, fear) - partly because he is much less sexual and very vanilla.

And when he talks to me rough it just makes me cry and feel like he is actually angry / upset with me. I like him too much and value his opinion. Its like i have two personalities one for my boyfriend and one for my doms. And i dont feel comfy mixing these.

Anyone else? Advice how to approach opening up? Maybe practical steps too

Edit: my bf knows im into bdsm, and i shared some speficifics before but overall he is still very clueless and by far doesnt know the "extremes" of my kink He allows me to play online with doms under certain conditions.