Long post warning (feel like context may help a bit) question at the end.

My wife [25F] and me [29M] have been married for 6 years now and she initially started the BDSM conversation with light rope play about 4-5 years ago. Not knowing anything I just grabbed the thickest softest rope I could find and while it was a great time during, the set up needed alot of work.

Up until that point we were pretty wild end of vanilla so me wanting to be more informed got on reddit and did hours upon hours of research. During that research came across a pretty extensive BDSM test for what it was worth. Her results were rope bunny and I fell pretty deep into the Dom category but aligned pretty well with the pleasure Dom. Over the years she is still a rope bunny, but has evolved into a little Brat and that's fine. She's a giant smart ass during the day so I wouldn't expect any less in the bed room.

We have established what she enjoys, rope obviously, mild pain, mild choking (light pressure on the sides of the neck) and that is about all the information she has given me.

Now for the actual issue, she is very shy and embarrassed when talking in person about sex even with me after almost 7 years together. During sessions she is being her bratty self while I try and restrain her. Afterwards I ask what she liked, what she didn't like, did I do something different or accidentally you enjoyed and want me explore / research more? I always get the same answer and it's a little shrug saying I don't know. I try to be very specific to about a particular action or toy but she just retreats into the pillow. If I ask during a session even if she is really into it she goes from bratty to shy like a light switch. She is a bit more comfortable messaging me things when I'm traveling or at work or even in the other room. when I try and get a detail from her it's nothing I already don't know.

In the mean time I have implemented my own new ideas and toys into the mix. However it's hard for me to decide what avenues to explore more with out the details I need. I have tried asking her to write me out a detailed session and it ends up being like 3 sentences highlighting the 3 things I already know and do. A more obscure route and gave here a few BDSM sub reddits to go through and find something that peaks her interest and I can adapt it or a specific paragraph but got nothing back.

So I guess my question is for the shy subs how did your Dom get you to open up about the experience so your dom can improve? My biggest fear is trying something new and her saying yes just because she thinks I will enjoy it but she hates every second of it but won't tell me. Is this a justified position or should I put on the "Dom pants" and just go for what I feel is best and wait for the safeword?

Again very sorry for the word vomit apparently this has been bugging me for quite some time and even I was not aware of how much it was bothering me until just now.