I am still exploring my sexuality and have recently met someone who introduced me to a type of bdsm I had never heard of as he is a “pleasure dom”. He has since rejected me but I think the situation left me with a lot of questions about my sexual interests.

I have been sexually assaulted 3x and my way of coping is by disassociating. Anything that reminds me of specifics of these leads me to disassociate.

Also until this most recent encounter, I had never had anyone make me orgasm. One of the things I have been working on (that I think helped me orgasm) was staying present.

My question is how to explore this when I disassociate quite easily if something is painful, if I feel unheard, unable to speak, or smothered? Is this safe for me to explore or is this going to fuck me up?