This is someone I've been seeing casually for a while. We have discussed BDSM in the past. She's given me conflicting messages like "you don't need to hold back with me" and "don't hold me down because I've been raped". She is very subby and has a dom that she sees from time to time.

We'd been out drinking and discussing her life and where she wants to go with it. But also discussing our intense feelings for each other. Well she'd had a few drinks more than me and was pretty drunk.

We left the bar. I'm good at pacing myself and I take drunk driving very seriously so I was sober. We're walking back to my car and she wants to kiss me. Cool, we kiss. But she bites my lip, hard. I try to roll with it but I'm not into it. I pull her hair and so on, getting into the aggressiveness. We keep walking back to the car.

It's important to stress that:

- I'm not an experienced Dom, I'm almost done reading The New Topping Book. I've dated submissive women for a while, I seem to attract them. Done some flogging at parties and so on.

- It was really cold out, about 34F

- We'd been walking about 20 minutes

- We've never had a serious boundaries discussion but I have told her that pain tends to make me angry instead of aroused

We get into more kissing and she gets more aggressive with the biting lip pulling. I'm surprised she didn't draw blood. Then she reaches up and grabs my ear and crunches it with her nails. Ever been hit in the ear when your ear is cold? IT HURTS A LOT. She drew blood, I had a crusty scab there in the morning. I pulled away and told her to stop and she apologized. She did feel really bad.

Here's the thing though: I got really fucking mad. Like, for a second I wanted to just straight up slap her with no head support. I could have done some real damage. I could have been arrested if a cop had been nearby or I'd left a mark.

For other reasons I've stopped seeing her but I want to get a reality check from the community and ask if she's kind of dangerous as a sub? Drinking and pain play seems like a terrible combination.