Hello everybody. I keep saying I am new to the lifestyle, however I have been trying to live it for over a year. My Dom and I started as friends with benefits, I was an absolute novice and he had some experience. At the beginning of our relationship, things were slow but we were learning our roles. A few months later we realised we no longer want it to be just dynamic but to let the romantic feelings in as well. Some time around this, my Dom has gone through hard times in his personal life and has been struggling pretty bad with mental health ever since. With him struggling so much I ended up taking the caregiver role, trying to help him. We were both unhappy with how our dynamic has turned out and have been trying to reverse it since. This is where the problem comes. We are struggling. I have a problem with letting the control go and he has a problem with being in control even though we both so desperately want it. Because of his mental health, I feel like if I let go, nobody will be there to pick up. I feel like everytime I let go, I am gonna get hurt because anything can make him upset ( I have never given him hard time about this and always, always tried to explain it is okay to be upset. I know how hard it can be to fight your demons) but it is my explanation as to why I am subconsciously unable to let go. On the other hand, he is saying he can't stand up and take over if I don't let him. If there is no space to.... And the vicious cycle starts. I can't let go because I feel like nobody is there and he can't "be there" if I don't let go. We are trying really hard to make things work and everything mentioned here I have already told him. We just don't know what specific actions to make to somehow start again.