I was in an abusive relationship with a girl for a year and a half, and I was forced into aspects of BDSM that I hated. I hated being degraded, I hated being put through physical pain, and I hated that things still continued after I had asked for them to stop. Good BDSM is based on consent, I know that now, but there was zero consent in this relationship.

My last relationship was totally different. We broke up because we ultimately weren't on the same level when it came to effort, but I have no ill will towards him and wish him the best. I learned a lot about myself in this relationship, and I also learned a lot about healthy sex. I started exploring a side of BDSM that I actually enjoyed, which was soft/gentle dom. I really enjoy this aspect of things, and I learned that I'm a switch with a praise kink and some version of a tickling kink, and I have a thing for orgasm denial/delay.

My problem is that I'm anxious that my next partner might find me too difficult. I have no interest in pain or degradation, which I've been under the impression is fairly common in BDSM. I like bondage when it's done a certain way and I know I stop it when I get overwhelmed. I'm not interested in pain. I like the more loving side of things that comes with a soft/gentle dom. I want whoever my partner is to make me feel good without the intention of hurting me. I also really don't want to be degraded, as I already struggle with low self-esteem. I don't want to be called a dirty whore, I wanna be told I'm beautiful and that I'm being good for my dom.

I also am incredibly embarrassed about the fact I have some variation of a tickling kink, and I've only ever told my ex boyfriend about it. I don't think I would ever be able to tell another partner about it because of how embarrassed I am. It's nothing crazy, I just like it when I'm bound and my partner lightly brushes their fingers across the parts of my body that are particularly sensitive. I realize this isn't a BDSM thing, but I don't have anyone in my life that I can discuss this kind of thing with.

I'm just worried that because I stray so much from what's expected when people hear the term BDSM that I might be too difficult for future partners. I still get very flustered talking about sex and kink in general, and I don't know how I would explain my area of interest to a partner. I'm just feeling so ashamed of myself for being so clueless when it comes to this sort of thing, and I would love some advice on if I'm still considered a part of the BDSM community or I'm just annoying and high maintenance, and how I could explain my kinks to a future partner.

Someone help!