So I like CNC. When things feel out of my control, I like to choose to give up my control. I'm also poly. I have a husband and a boyfriend. I'm looking for a girlfriend.

I had the really amazing beginnings of a relationship with a poly woman and for reasons I won't go into here, but were not either of our wishes, we can't see each other. I was hurting a lot emotionally. I had aCNC session with my boyfriend and I wanted more pain than I usually do. It helped emotionally and I enjoyed it sexually but I'm not sure if it's healthy. I guess I am wondering if that's normal or healthy, after an emotional pain, to want more physical pain? Obviously self-inflicted things like cutting would not be. But was I just using my bf instead of a blade?