Hello everyone :)

I'm(f) new to the community and have been trying to find a dom since the end of last year. I got lucky and connected with a guy who became my first dom back in January but it didn't last long due to him having any time for me. I recently connected with another guy who I really liked but wasn't comfortable with his situation so I had to decline. Soon after that he threw my insecurities and issues in my face and cut me off. I knew it would be a journey to find a dom/mentor but damn it's exhausting. I didn't think connecting with someone would be so difficult. I feel so discouraged I'm ready to give up my search. I clearly need a break but in the meantime what are some ways I can fulfill my curiosity for BDSM by myself? Any tips or advice regarding my search is welcomed and appreciated. Please and thank you.
P.s. thank you for listening to that mini rant lol.