For context: I am an online-only dom to, among others, /u/_cryptidhunter. You can see my profile for details, but she's very submissive, likes pain and punishment, and has been denied months.

This past week has been "hell week," a week full of pain punishments. She reached a limit last night, panicked, spiraled, couldn't edge... But didn't ask for aftercare. She does, some of the time. Not always.

Sometimes, she tells me that she feels like she's annoying me, or like she's not allowed to ask for aftercare. I don't know why she feels that way, and I feel like I've been very clear that she has to ask for it when she needs it. Of course, part of the problem is that, because we're online, there's only so much I can do for aftercare. We have a designated aftercare blanket, sometimes I'll tell her to watch a video. Sometimes she just wants me to talk. I'm usually available and can talk to her, but I'm busy, and not always free when she needs me, so sometimes I can't engage with her the way she needs. If this is my fault, don't be afraid to tell me.

We used to have similar problems with her safe word. Now, she uses it more freely, but she sometimes keeps going after using her safe word -- which never ends well -- or apologizes for using it -- which I've told her not to do.

She does need a therapist, but she can't get one for personal reasons.

How can we fix this problem? I'd rather not drop her, but if you tell me this situation is unworkable... Her safety is the priority, play takes a back seat to safety.