I'm a dominant in a long term and long distance relationship, we are two guys 23 and 28 yo.

I recently had a situation that highlighted a bigger problem. I asked my sub if he can go this week without masturbation, as we're about to see each other for the first time since covid restrictions started. My partner said it's over the top and generally got a bit angry. He also mentioned that he already told me he's not into it. I wouldn't have a problem with a simple no, but his reaction was pretty strong. Yes, I know he's not that much into orgasm control, or into being controlled while we're not physically in the same space, but we also had a stronger online d/s period, when he was controlled and enjoyed it. He also expressed interest in chastity. So hey, I had reasons to ask this question, I suppose? On top of normal "people and their likes change". It's not that I demanded it under a threat of severe punishment.

From our conversation afterwards, I sort of got a message that I should be responsive to his needs, desires and such, be understanding and adapt to his moods. Essentially be passive. When confronted, he said that's not the case, but didn't offer much explaination.

Now, I know that submissive's needs are very important, but how respectful should dominants be of their moods and wants? Especially those with fleeting nature.

I sometimes feel like I'm an actual submissive here in everything but semantics and it's a constant power struggle. So, does submissive hold all the power and should I play my role as a dominant if I want to continue? Or should I be willing to move away for a while and rethink things?

Also, a related question: how real are people's roles deep down? I need very honest answers here and please explain like I'm 5.