So, some time ago I started enjoying playing with findom. I have it under control, never spend too much, but I found it kind of tasteless to give money to women I barely know; I never get to create a connection with them I'm happy with.

At the same time, I got this crazy idea of sugaring/findom with an ex. It's been years we broke up, we're cool with each other and talk normally. But every so often I fantasize about her, I think of her as my ultimate domme (even though we didn't have too much of BDSM in our relationship), and love seeing the pictures she posts online. We live in different cities, though, so I don't expect anything happening with her. It's more of an unrecheable dream.

The motivation for findom/sugaring comes from the fact that she complained to me she is in bad shape financially. She was unemployed for a while and had to take shitty temporary jobs. I'm thankfully in a more comfortable situation, and I legitimately want to help her; after all, I care for her. I thought of offering some money to help her, and it actually made me feel very horny. That's so awkward...

I don't know, I feel so weird and stupid because of that. I don't want to take advantage of her situation, I would not ask her for anything in return. But it's hot to imagine her as my findom.