Ok I know this isn’t like super BDSM in the grand scheme of things, but I think this r/ can help out. As some background, I (F) have some limited kink/BDSM experience both in private relationships and a little bit of exposure to established communities, almost entirely as a submissive. My partner (M) has not really had first hand exposure to kink stuff, but has been learning more by talking to me about my experiences and us incorporating some light power dynamics into our sex. Part of that has been exploring a lot of organic switch energy between us, which has been really exciting because actually neither of us had much explored our more Dominant sides previously. A lot of this is spanking, generally being rough, and orgasm control/permission, with him in what I’d probably call a service top kind of role. But also I’ve pegged him, or often pin down his arms or pull his hair, and he very much enjoys submitting when I do take more charge.

Last night I was giving him what started as a vanilla handjob, but it quickly became very, very intense in a totally new and different way for both of us. Initially it was just intense sensation-wise, with him being totally overwhelmed by what I was doing. He was WAY more vocal and writhing and in general just super overcome with the type of stimulation I was giving. This continued at a sustained high level of intensity for what later felt to us like a really long time, really not sure but maybe 45 minutes? Eventually he said he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to come, and he was feeling great but also just experiencing physical feelings so intense that he didn’t even really know how to handle it. I said that was fine, and we kept on playing like that. I wasn’t necessarily trying to edge him, but it seemed that he kept getting so close to orgasm. So at one point I tapped into my more Domme vibes and told him that he was going to come for me, thinking this might help him eventually tip over the edge (this kind of suggestion usually helps me when I’m in my sub space). He liked that and said he wanted to, but also that he wasn’t sure if he could.

A little while after that (but not immediately) we paused and were sort of cooling down for a moment, holding each other and kissing a lot. And then he suddenly got very emotional, pretty much sobbing for a few minutes, without really understanding what was happening. Soon he settled down and felt more calm/ in control, and we tried to talk about it a little bit. I told him what (very little!) I know about sub drop, and that maybe this could be something like that? And we talked a little about other ideas of what it could have been, like maybe him feeling so out of control or overwhelmed just caused this big catharsis like he’d never experienced before. Anyways, it wasn’t exactly scary or traumatic, more so just really unexpected and intense. He says this has never happened to him before.

So maybe my question is, does his reaction sound more related somehow to the power dynamics at play in this session, or more to something about the prolonged intense physical stimulation? Or the fact that he didn’t orgasm? Or is it too blurry to even differentiate, like it’s more than the sum of its parts. And is there anything else I should know about giving aftercare/support in this situation? We cuddled a lot, I got him water, I told him we could talk about it or not, and that it was ok to feel whatever he was feeling. I feel like this was a really intimate experience and it made us feel even closer, I’d just like some outside perspective on what might have caused that, and how I can make sure I take proper care of him if it ever happens again. Thank you!