Buckle in this is a long one… So me 19F (Sub??) and my significant other 20M (Dom??) have been dating for three years I will preface this by saying I love him with my heart and soul, and he treats me amazingly. The only rough patch in our relationship has been sex… backstory I was in middle school when I first saw 50shades of grey I fell down the rabbit hole of BDSM. I am a very dominant, outspoken, and control freak of a woman in my every day life and I always have been, So when I discovered BDSM I was incredibly drawn to the idea of relinquishing control and letting that be my outlet for the stress and anxiety I carry with me. So I did a lot of unsafe and sketchy things (lying about my age) my first years of high school because that life always attracted me but you live and learn.

So with that context in mind, a few years later I met my current partner (Extremely Vanilla) and I fell in love. I was fine for the first little while with being vanilla with him but I was never hiding my kink from him as we grew together I started to want more from our sex life and he always tried his best to please me and be more dominant in the bedroom although it does not suite him well and a lot of my kinks/interests are hard limits for him and stuff he does not enjoy or feel comfortable doing to me. So we developed a softer DDLG relationship we both enjoyed. I have never pressured him to do anything and the things he does do he’s told me he doesn’t enjoy but he does it for me. We have always been very open and honest about everything in our relationship and he has helped me realize that I also am sexually attracted to women that’s something we both found we enjoy. He gets off on me with another woman while I get to explore things that he will not do with me. So we agreed for me to branch out.

I started by looking for a pro-domme in my area. I was willing to pay. I also made a post on fetlife about what I was looking for, about a day after the post was made I started chatting with a dominant who really clicked with me after talking for a long time we starting doing things over the phone (I practically live with my boyfriend so he knew what was going on and he would participate with us by taking videos and pictures and then him and I would do things as well) As we all three talked we decided they would both be my dominants. Him as more of a loving caring DDLG relationship (what he likes) and her as my Mistress. Online until a trusting relationship is born then when we start sessions in person she would like to be one on one with me for a little while before my daddy joins. We have been doing online sessions the three of us almost every night during these he likes reading what her and I talk about and he thinks it’s very hot. the other night after we got done daddy says that he really likes when I take charge (he was getting jealous so I climbed on top and rode him forcefully telling him that nobody would replace him) ( now I think that he might have been jealous of me not her) So with that backstory last night I’m giving Daddy head and hes sending pictures to my Mistress and he gets really into it and ask me to stick a finger in him. ( He often used to say that was something he never wanted) So in the heat of the moment I deep throated his cock while fingering his ass. Then that happened again, and again, and again. It was hot for me because he obviously enjoyed it so much (like way more than normal) and I like pleasing him.

By the end of the night I truly believe that he’s coming around to the idea of me pegging him as well. It’s like for the first time in three years I really saw his freakier side. The only issue is I don’t know how to Dom and I don’t enjoy it necessarily. So my question is what do I do now? Am I a switch? Is he still my Dom? If you could reply to this with questions and advice and I’ll respond (there’s so much more I could’ve added here about this situation but I don’t even know where to start.) Any help is appreciated.

So my mind has not been able to quiet down my thoughts so I guess some other questions I have right now would be… How do I ask him about what part of this he liked without making my boyfriend feel ashamed? (I held him last night after this because he felt bad that he liked this) If he wanted to be a submissive for my mistress as well How and when should I bring that up to her? How do we continue with our normal sex life? It obviously makes him feel ashamed of himself so do I start this from now on to help him or do I just drop it? How do I progress from two fingers to pegging??? (He did bring up that he thought he would like me doing that) How do I help him overcome his mind on this?

I truly just wish someone could help with my anxiety on this subject because I love the idea of him getting into this and truly trusting me with this, but I don’t want to hurt him or somehow make his mental state worse about this. I’m just lost right now and if (like I suspect) he truly enjoys being submissive. How do I learn what to do here?? I’m a pillow princess by choice who enjoys bondage so I don’t necessarily know how to help him as a whole here. So I guess going back to the original question. What do I do now? Anyone with tips, tricks or resources please lmk. I thought adding this might make what I’m looking for a little more obvious here.