My partner, sub (F28), and I Dom (M52), have just started working into this part of our relationship. She enjoys spanking, choking, and being controlled in the bedroom. It is a bit new to me, but I am learning I’m more of a pleasure dom types, and I think that fits her needs.

Recently on a vacation, she indicated she would like to be 24/7, but after vacation has backed away from that to only when we both have days off. I’m 100% accepting and willing to work with what dynamic she wants. When we’re in the bedroom, she’s into it 70% of the time for the domination/rough play.

Fast forward to this week. I made a sexy Xmas purchase for us to add to our toy collection which included a spreader bar. We broke it out last night for the first time. In the scene, she was bound at the hands and feet bound to the bar. I had teased her, pleasured her up to a point but was withholding her orgasm. She asked specifically and I said not yet.

We transitioned to me using a vibrator on her while I force fed her my cock. I was doing my best to be attentive and not let her cum. I was thinking about the next shift when I missed the signs she was coming, uncontrolled. When I realized, I tried to prevent it but she was about halfway in. She immediately got upset and emotional.

I work hard to provide genuine care and support during our play. I could clearly see she was upset. After a few minutes of conversation, she let me know she felt shame and guilt for having that half of an orgasm. As a very strong independent woman in her regular life, this has created a large emotional conflict. It’s upsetting to her.

As the one given consent to her care, I acknowledged that I failed her in so much as managing the scene and her situation. I’ve explained that I should’ve read the signs better and been more focused.

She is willing to work back into it and keep playing but I definitely feel a hesitation on her part and that this guilt feeling is very uncomfortable to her.

My question, (sorry for the long monologue) is how do I create that comfortable space for her again? What’s the best approach when talking about this?

This is a new dynamic for both of us and we’re trying to make it work together.

Thank you in advance.