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Time manament in an ENM relationship.
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(TL::DR) I don't feel that my partner is giving me the same amount of "time" within our relationship as I feel I would be expected (or willing) to give. How do I manage/express/cope with these feelings?

Me (M37) her F(32)

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I am not looking for pity, but maybe just help with figuring out how I feel/fit into this lifestyle.

We are married, open-marriage as of a few years back, but neither of us had really taken advantage of it up until recently.

As of recently, my wife has found herself a Dom, and a FWB.

What started this line of thought was as of recently I had expressed interest in seeing a film with the wife and this being weeks ago, seems to have been forgotten. She told me recently that she was going with her FWB to see the movie I had expressed interest in seeing. I wasn't happy, she asked what was the matter and I reminded her of the fact that I had expressed interest in seeing the movie with her due to it being out today (Nosfuratu).

Nosferatu
She made excuses about me and her not having the finances to go see it (her FWB I assume is paying for it) and that she can't just be spontaneous with me anymore. I have to my time with her to do things.

,
We have kids, we have household and we have our lives. This being said we satisfy the needs of being the family and taking care of family things.

Outside of this, she has the partners and the BDSM life whilst I am still doing my best to find companionship.

notice
FF>> to tonight and her Dom asks her (with short notices) to see her. To me, that is as spontaneous as it gets.

For her and I to go out, we have to plan for someone to watch our children.

For her to go out, she just asks if she can go out. (I am not really in a position within our relationship to tell her no due to shit we are fixing.) And I am here to hold down the fort for the remainder of the night.

If I want to/get the opportunity to go out, it is the same. Just haven't had the chance to.

Where I am a little put off by these recent events.

I am her husband. I believe that if I were in a similar situation, she would be my number one, my 51%, and anyone else I bring into my ENM would share the 49%. Is this wrong to feel? I feel this would be fair for someone I am married to. She is my primary partner, my wife.

I feel (feel, I haven't spoken to her about this yet and probably need to) like I am getting 20% of her time whilst her others are getting to share 80% of her time. Sure she spends her time with me all day, we take care of the kids while she is off, but when the kids go to bed. That is when the "being" together ends. She sits on ticktok texting her partners all night whilst I try to entice her to watch a movie with me, or just do something with me as partners do.

There is more to why I feel this way, dead bedroom, emotional and physical abuse, and such.

Should I talk to her about how I feel about the "we can't be spontaneous but my Dom can call me and I jump to it/my FWB calls me out and I go?"

sit-down
Does it work to have that sit down chat with her about expectations within our ENM? Like things, I would be willing or feel I need to do to show her that she is my primary, as well as share with her my expectations. I get that I am walking a fine line between "telling a woman what she can and can't do". As well as those who might say hey divorce her.

When I get myself a partner who is a Dom/Sub, my wife will still be my number one. That is how I feel I would act in such situations.

Please feel free to share with me your feelings, comments concerns, and outbursts. I am willing to share a bit more information if you need/want it. This is an advice sub and that is what I am here looking for.

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1 week ago