There've been a good number of problematic people I've encountered in the scene IRL.

I tried having non aggressive conversations with only a few about the issues I saw and they get defensive, shut down, lash out and start to spread rumors.

A lot of guys never speak up to the other doms when they say creepy or problematic stuff publicly because "it's not my problem." It's just the sub's problem and only if there's a consent violation.

Even then I've seen and heard of a lot of subs not report issues because the doms were speaking in ways to dissaude them and convince the sub they're perspective isn't valid in some way. Or the subs are so desperate to get their itch scratched they'll tolerate it.

The bar is just so low. Turns out a Dom I played was exhibiting the same patterns of defensiveness, deflection, and gaslighting with other community members. I'm just finding there's basically no repercussion for anyone in the community when they exhibit disturbing behavior unless someone violated consent in a big way.

This is someone who lied to me multiple times, love bombed me, and started to gaslight me about it and kept deflect. The other women I spoke to had similar experiences.

Is it inherently wrong to speak about a manipulative community member online? What about if they aren't named or tagged? A lot of my community and non community friends have been great supports. They're the ones who pointed out the manipulative behaviors and I'm also a bit embarrassed to have not seen the red flags.

(cross posted)