So I don’t even know how to explain this really.

I’ve talked to this guy on and off sexually for a while (never played together), he recently told me he is looking for a sub and I am looking for a Dom. But for me, I need to build an emotional connection with someone before I get into a sexual relationship with them. Like at parties and orgies it’s different but one on one I don’t feel any energy unless there’s an emotional connection.

Well he has made no effort to get to know me, and keeps saying I need to come “thoroughly please” his girlfriend and she will then decide if I am good enough to be his sub or not. This makes me really uncomfortable because I don’t even know them like that really. But then he says if I was a true sub I would be obedient and that I need to prove myself to her if I am going to share him with her? I’ve offered alternatives like domestic service and stuff but he seems really set that I must prove myself to her sexually.

Is this a common thing? Is he just using me to fulfill a fantasy? I’ve been in the lifestyle for a good handful of years and never heard something like this. I’m also really struggling to find a Dom so it’s almost something I’m just willing to push through but part of me feels like they’re just using me and there’s no way I’m going to be “good enough” because they’ve already planned it that way.