So, my partner and I have been together 3 years. In that time, we’ve worked into understanding she likes it rough. Spanking, hair pulling, biting, etc are all in our wheelhouse. I (M51) have never been a dom or really had that type of relationship, but my partner (F28) has acknowledged liking the idea. So we’re working our way into it.

My question is this, how do you create dominance and demand things and still make sure it is ok with your sub? For example, we’ve done anal before and she has very much enjoyed it, but she goes away for work for 3 months in an austere environment. When she came back, before stepping into dom/sub, she backed away from anal and has been very uncomfortable with anything more than the tip of a finger. I know she likes it a lot, but I need her to go back into practice. So, how do I make her do something I know she’s very hesitant about and feel like I’m still taking care of her properly?