Hello everyone, this is my first ever Reddit post so hope I’m doing it right! And thank you in advance for any advice given! A bit of background I’m a 22F in a 5 and a half year relationship with my 24M bf. And even though we have been together a while and we have done some kinky things I sometimes struggle to bring up things to him as I feel like I’m a bit more into all this than he is. Of course I completely respect any limits or boundaries or opinions on it all. I just think possibly over time the way he may have expressed these things has put me off talking about things I would like. For example, if I have mentioned something just slightly to test the waters a bit to see his opinion, there has been times where it’s just been laughed at and told it was weird. Which again, fair enough that is his opinion but I do think I’ve just stopped mentioning things in fear I’m going to be seen as weird.

It’s a bit confusing for me, we have a pretty good collection of toys/bondage things, and when we were buying them he seems quite excited along side me. However apart from the old reliable wand and dildo we use quite regularly, all other things just don’t really get used. He has also admitted to me he knows he’s a bit of a selfish person when it comes to sex and I think that does get in the way a bit, I also think he doesn’t understand that bdsm isn’t all just about the actual sex part or at least not for me. I just feel like I want to be able to be in a non judgmental environment that I can communicate ideas and kinks without finding myself getting embarrassed or filtering what I’m saying to sound “less bad”. My fear is he will either just laugh at it or he will say he likes it but when it comes to the time he wont act on it because he doesn’t actually like it he just says he does. This all being said he does like to still be a bit dominant in like pinning me against the wall telling me when I can/can’t cum etc. which I really enjoy. But how do I communicate that I like the idea of all these different things when he barley even spanks me. I worry the real me is too much for him. In my mind my kinks are getting more complex and fun ( to me ) and it’s sad that I feel like I can’t talk about even “simple” ones with him. So really I think I’m just looking for any advice with a bit of a sexual/dynamic block with partner and how to start communicating better with him?