This is kind of a duplicate post to someone else's, but I'm looking for some ideas here.

I 38M always been into kink, just not sure how much since my wife 40F of 14 years is as vanilla as you can imagine. See my wife is my first for everything that's important to a young man.

We met online 15 years ago, I was 23 she 25. I had just left the fire service and was learning how to deal with PTSD. We were both hyper sexual, but I hadn't found a woman I wanted to do anything with at the time, until I met her. From the beginning sex was great at least I think it was, I hadn't been with anyone to compare to really. Anyway I still felt like something was missing, I had heard about threesomes and bondage and always thought it sounded fun. Her friend is in the lifestyle and had kind of exposed us to it a little through pictures, she even took my wife to a much. About 10 years ago we started introducing bondage into our routine, first it was simple stuff like tying her to the bed frame or laying some blankets down on the living room floor and tying her to various furniture legs. Then she asked me to try fisting her once and I was hooked but she wasn't. She had warned me that she had never had any kind of foreplay despite her having multiple partners over the years, so she didn't know what to expect and that she was really more interested in a "wam bam thank you ma'am" sex life, but she wanted me to be happy too.

About 6 years ago we started trying for breast bondage and again we found that I really enjoyed it, even if she didn't. Coincidentally that was the year she was diagnosed with kidney disease.

Now kidney disease robs a person of everything, I'm sure you've heard that about other chronic and terminal illnesses. She's now on home dialysis, which means that she does all of her treatments at home during the night while she sleeps. Kidney disease has robbed her of her sex drive, it has robbed her of her energy, it has destroyed her desire to do pretty much anything.

We don't have sex much at all and I rarely get to enjoy any of my kinks. We had a half assed threesome about 4 years ago, before my wife got really sick. They kissed and fingered and fondled, but I was only allowed to penetrate the other girl because my wife was on her cycle at the time. We've talked about trying to do it again but finding someone at the right time and since she has all kinds of tubes and bandages now my wife is really self conscious. I also don't pursue it much because I know or at least think I know my wife isn't really interested and is just talking about it to make me happy.

We also talked about opening up our marriage, but with all of her doctor's appointments, and whatnot that I am required by contract to attend I still don't have time to find anyone else to play with. Her friend has offered under the condition of no penetration to come up and let me play with her. An acceptable proposal for everyone though not ideal, for obvious reasons.

Has anyone else ever had to deal with this kind of situation?