hi im 19f just starting to learn about myself and what I like but im having trouble finding the right terms to connect with the right people?

i like the concept of ddlg but i dont like the age regression, using the word daddy, and just the whole daddydaughter thing in general. but, i do like the dynamics of a caretaker/guidance relationship. i am very feminine, i wear mini skirts, tights, short tops, etc. and it seems like all of the media i consume where the girl is similar to me is ddlg. i love the look of it, but it also makes me feel guilty at the same time. it’s a guilty pleasure i guess? sometimes i do enjoy ddlg to a further extent but i dont like it after im done. i am into age gaps and wanting that man to use his older role in my life to take advantage of me even though he knows its wrong, take care of me, to guide me, to be protective of me, etc. so lately the lines have been blurring for me but i want someone to guide me in the right direction. i don’t really know what im doing at all, im just so confused lately. any help is appreciated. apologies in advance if this doesn’t make sense haha