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I think i did not ask the question the last time so i want to mellow myself down to get some answers :
I have spoken to single girls who have been submissive , and got their inputs on why the enjoy being a submissive.
But in a marriage shouldn't the wifes first submission be her husband before anyone else ?
As far as our kinks go , we are married 10 years and experienced a lot of shared kinks:
Exhibitionism , Vouyer , Hotwifin cuckolding -
Me: SoftDom / Vanilla , mild humiliation
Her: high sex appetite open minded, submissive and bossy she has both sides...
Lately She is exploring with a seasoned Dom who has taken her under his wing. They have consensual sex always with all our consent. He claims she is absolute pet a joy to Dominate and she feels his dynamic and play keeps her going back for more....
How can i be supportive : I dont want to be the husband who is putting water on their fire , I was never insecure when she had sex with strangers but someone else owing her is something new for me and i need to overcome ?
I want to be a supportive husband and my last few communications have come across as i am not interested in the d/s , which is true, i am not interested for myself but i want her to keep having a good time - however she feels more free to explore new kinks in my absence.. ?
I am not whining , I am trying to accept the situation and grow into being comfortable with their dynamics ..without cringing , this would include in future knowing she is being collared one evening or spanked another , exhibited one day and shared the other. I have read their contract and the list of things she has checked off are things i had not even imagined before. Some i was very excited and some were v.cringy.
Women :
1) how do you if at all make up with your husband if you are submitting to some one else ?
2) is this normal for you to go to the length of being collared by another man while you are still in an active marriage ? why should it excite you. 3) do you still respect your husband
4) Men : have you had such experince , how do you support your wife or still be nice to her ?
4) how do you continue to respect her ? 5) How long has the Dom/Sub relationship been lasted if it’s outside of marriage …?
You are right , I did recognize the need , she is in search for more that’s beyond my ability ….. which is why I appreciate our Dom , but I’m not sure why I feel I hold the first place - I am not whining - I am trying to get a grip on the situation and make it normal - so the next time I hear or know she is with him I don’t cringe but feel happy the same way I used to when we used to swinging or have threesomes - I am trying to understand and grow into
Yeah that’s kind of what it is - I am happy with him , I like the man but envious on how it feels like she is coming into his tentacles every day.
thank you all for your help. i think we are moving ahead with some respectfull conversations
I had a solid discussion last night. laid out my boundaries... there is a lot more to iron out ... but atleast on the top we understood what was happening....
she agreed me to be able to Veto other partners requests specially when it falls in my area....
she was apologetic for being a little out of touch.... assumed it part of cuckolding....
i was glad she opened a lot about her new fantasies with me that she has been apparently hiding and sharing with her Dom.
I was accused of giving mixed messages....: that is willing to submit but then dont follow through / being accountable and interfering in the roleplay.
my own revelation was my condition of being able to switch roles: we are going to take our conversation with her Dom, I was ok to play a submissive role but there will be days i feel very dominant or want to seek control. A lot of my oppression was from not having that.... and having my wife empathies with me and love me back closed the weekend with a great bang....
The weekend is almost over - haven’t started a conversation yet. I am also wondering to myself do I need to tell her my issues and spoil her fun.
I am hoping for her to lead and say - I will check with my husband if he is ok for me to participate in an xyz act instead of she letting them know yay it would be great
If I can ask in a poly marriage - How long has the Dom/Sub relationship been lasted if it’s outside of marriage …?
Not like i want them to break up immediately but want to understand a typical timeline before relations get stale ?
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i am going to communicate this weekend, definetly need to process it
Thank you for your long post - No they are not making me feel miserable I am feeling inferior in the game when it comes to sexual needs - in comparison with her new partner.
We did try ENM this is the first time someone seems to get along fine with my wife for a longer duration of time and hold her attention. Also it’s her first d/s relationship. The other ENM relationships were purely sexual / NSA.
To answer your question - it’s the 2nd one I am wondering Are such dynamics normal in other marriages : where the wife has another Dom. And then hence 2 if they do if it’s ok for her to go to this extent of being controlled by another man just because he is more experienced in Turning her on.
I also seem to know the answer but basically I was expecting her to say NO thank you to his Dom when he instructs her - for eg be in denial the whole week or have her be edged couple of times before their meeting instead of just being a yes baby -
Seeing and poking around it seems like in a ENM one need not interfere in their partners other relationship and I seem to be doing a lot of that