Genuinely unsure how to tackle this. Since I've been back at finding a new sub, every single time it feels like the core issue I run into is that I'm too affectionate and/or sweet and genuine.

I'm still all the attributes they expected me to have - I'm commanding and demanding, I can degrade them or control them, the whole thing. But it seems like eventually, me still being affectionate outside the dynamic (within, I withhold if necessary) flips a switch for the worse.

Before I stop this whole thing and find a conventional relationship, am I just being unlucky or are subs who say they want affection especially outside of the dynamic just not sure of what they actually want; and that being not someone like I?

Thanks