I had a short but very intense dynamic with my previous Dom. Playtime with him was life changing and he was treating me well until recently.

He ran very hot and cold which I do not like. As a sub I spoke to him frequently about my need for consistency as I am basically placing my body, and my psychology in his hands. He would oblige for a while... Then go cold again, so I ended it will him. He was upset but said he accepted it.

A few weeks later I met a pleasure dom. He was really nice and and had great rapport but I wasn't feeling any heat or passion. We never did anything, we were still in the 'getting to know eachother' stage and I thought the heat would come, but after 3 weeks of not feeling it, I ended that too, I don't want to waste anyone's time.

Meanwhile my previous dom has been messaging me trying to win me back. But ultimately I know it will come to naught, so today I have had to block him.

I feel so down and sad about it. I know it's best for me in the long run, but right now - it hurts.

I can't talk too anyone about this because no one knows about this side of my life. I know I did wrong jumping from one dynamic into exploring another but I am new at this and I guess I didn't realise quite how much of my feelings were invested. I can't even be visably upset as I'm staying with family atm. I'm just feeling both used, and a crappy person at the same time. At no point did either of these dynamics overlap, but I still feel terrible.

I don't know what I'm seeking with this post, it's a rant into the void I guess.