There's a really long backstory to how I've (34M) made it this far in life w/o having a relationship or intercourse or... a lot of things, but part of trying to make changes in my life resulted in joining a BDSM club.

The thing is that I'm very hesitant to engage in any more sexual activity than I already have unless I have a consistent partner. I have limited emotional availability and I'm only just starting to try and become a functioning adult in spite of problems that appear to stem from my autism/ADHD (no career, no finacial independence, etc.)

I'm concerned that the restrictions I have, emotional or otherwise, are limiting my ability to become more than acquaintances with the group I tend to socialize with. I haven't made any close friends among them, but that applies to my non-kinky life, too.

What I'm wondering is- would it be more conducive to engage in play with the other people? Like... I'm autistic. Over the course of a good portion of my life, I've been conditioned to live without anything more than the rare hug from a family member. I either don't "need" things like other people do, or I've repressed my needs to the point of nonexistence. I don't necessarily "want" blowjobs or threesomes or to whip people. I'd like someone to do maybe do some of those things on a consistent basis, but I don't really express that to anyone other than my closer friends.

Does anyone think that if I started "wanting" things, I might form more connections? Would it be risky to do considering that I don't feel like I have my own sexual agency and mostly do things based on what other people are into?