long post

So the other day out on the boat with my wife (39F) and I (40m) after a few drinks she tells me she is a submissive. We have been married for 17 years and have 3 children. 13, 11,6. We have been working through some issues the last few years trying to re spark our sex life since the many years of young children. The last year and a half I have been asking her questions like what fantasies do you have. Which her response was she does not have sexual fantasies, then a few months later when I bring it up again, she says, sex in a high rise hotel room against the window with the lights on, then a few more months goes by and she says I think I could get into a Dom/sub fantasy, but you(ME) are not dominant. Which kinda hurt me. Now this weekend her having a few drinks on the boat swimming around with friend and she tells me she is a submissive. At the time I did not know much about these types of relationships so I told her all the things I was going to do to her tonight and she seemed excited. We get home clean the boat, shower. I get the kids in bed come out to the couch and she is asleep at 830. Kinda bothered me after she talked about this alot with me that day. But I let it go and started researching Dom/sub relationships. The next day she knows she had just fallen asleep on me and definitely made up for it the next day and that evening. Fast forward to Wednesday, 3 days of me researching D/S relationships and I realized that saying you are submissive can me a world of things so I sent her a text asking

"So I know you were drunk when you told me this. But sadly, I think that is what it took for you to tell me that "you are a submissive", well my brain has been spinning ever since you told me that mainly becsuse a year or so ago you said you could possibly be into D/S but you dont see me as a Dom. and I know you don't like talking openly about stuff like this but I need to know what that means for you?. Also what does that mean you need from me? Will you be able to get this from me? What type of submissive are you? I want you to really think about this and be as truthful as you can be. I don't want to wake up 10 years down the road, to find out either you are miserable with me or we are no longer intimate with each other. I have done my share of research on the topic. But need you to be as open and as honest with me about this as you can."

This was her response

"I think what it means for me is what I explained to you the other day. That I'm not the type of person to go outside my comfort zone, especially in initiating things, my comfort zone is in the "you tell me what to do /what you want- and I do it. " I don't think it's a bdsm thing, I don't enjoy pain or humiliation, but I do enjoy the "not having to make decisions" I love the control I hand over to you for you to make those decisions. For someone like me who has " a hundred tabs open in my kind at any given time" and constantly having to make decisions and choices for day to day things....there is something so freeing both mentally, physically , and intimately with me not having to make decisions when it comes to our sexual health. My submissive self is all about giving you complete and utter control of the decision making of what we do in our sex life/love life, and you loving me and knowing my needs well enough to dominate that life (but to not take advantage of it too.). In a way, it's spiritual in that you are the man of this family, and house, and you take the lead in ALL things"

Some other notes just to tell more of the story, years ago, she really got into Twilight which got her into fanfiction, then 50 shades and the list goes on and on. She reads almost a book a day, or listeneds on audible. She is a SAH mom for the last 11 years. All of her stories include a Alpha/Dom role. And they are all very explicit. Also in yhe last year she has been more open sexually, has told me she wanted to try a spreader bar in the last 4 months so I ordered one in March. We have used it twice and both times was very enjoyable. Also restraints and blindfolds she has really enjoyed. I also purchased flogger, nipple clamps, nipple suction devices that screw and cause suction ,ball gag, we have a safe filled with other toys, these are just the toys I have purchased recently. Also want to add we have been friends since we were 12, I was a wild child, lots of girls, where as she was a good girl I have been her only sexual partner. We started dating at 19/20.

I just need advice on. What direction to go. I feel like my answer I got from her was just basically a this is what he wants to hear. I did not feel it was honest.

This is from android sorry if it is messed up