I have no experience at all with this stuff, but i’ve been realizing lately that I am some kind of masochist and I think it’s connected to my CPTSD. i think this is a common situation, so i just want to understand better why I feel this way. I have even fantasized about rape, which i’ve experienced, and i don’t understand how violence could turn me on. Is it a control thing? I have very rigid self control so maybe it’s about wanting to lose control/be controlled. I don’t know where the line is between it and self harm. someone told me they found my SH scars hot and I found that really arousing but also feels morally confusing. I don’t know what to make of it because i’ve never really been very sexual, but suddenly i realize how hot this stuff is in a way i’ve never felt. I don’t want to be indulging something unhealthy.