I've noticed that in a lot of these communities and subreddits there tends to be many more inexperienced submissives seeking VERY experienced Dominants. People to teach them all things kink, guide them through self-exploration, and help them find their specific niche. It seems natural and straight forward at a glance. However, as a Dominant I'm mostly self-taught. I do my own research on the safety side of the kinks I'm interested in, discuss options and alternatives when I can, and give my thoughts on scenarios that others have experienced while also checking out other responses and viewpoints. I'd say I'm decently knowledgeable and more importantly careful and intelligent, but the dynamics I've been a part of have been primarily online, which I feel leaves me lacking in hands-on experience.

Discussion and theory are all well and good, but without the hands-on experience it's hard to be completely confident in my abilities. Especially when it comes to more extreme kinks, I feel like that's a bit too great of a risk. So I'm wondering, how would a Dom with little in-person experience build on that? Most subs seem rather adverse to a lack of experience, and I can understand why when it's their safety that's at risk. It's fair to be reluctant toward being used as practice or for experimenting, especially when that process is less likely to be pleasurable than being with a more experienced Dom.

But there I run into the question of where the experienced Doms are getting their start at all. If many of them are starting off similarly to how I have, are their Subs being led and handled properly? Can someone without any hands-on experience really educate a submissive in best practices and awareness? If not, then how do subs prevent themselves from being outright abused and taken advantage of?

It just seems like a bit of a Catch-22. It seems weird to think of a submissive, even an experienced one, teaching a Dom. But if that isn't happening, then how is a Dom meant to actually learn? One thing I see very consistently is a demand for men who are "Naturally Dominant", which at times seems to imply a lack of real practice. If that is what's desired, it seems like a somewhat self-destructive place for the submissive to be coming from, which strikes me as a major red flag.

I'm not meaning to throw shade at anyone, just genuinely perplexed at this trend that I've noticed. If nobody is teaching the Doms, where do they come from? If we're all self-taught, is that actually safe?