I'm not even sure where to go with this. On one hand it seems to fit bdsm theme because it's about control. One person being in power etc. On the other hand I don't feel like it doesn't because it's not entirely sexual. I'm sure it can be, but ideally I'd want it to go beyond that. I tried googling my exact title and it's variations but I didn't find anything like this.

I'm not sure how to explain this, I'd want them to tell me how to spend my time, what to eat, what to wear. Not sure how much control I'd want to give. Def not all but it would still be a lot. Id want to be cared for too(read this as: I don't want to push it so much I'd be degraded and called names 24/7).

I'm just confused and conflicted. It is something I'd want to pursue, even if in limited capacity(maybe anonymously online? Sounds like least amount of risk.), but also I don't think there's anyone who'd want to entertain the thought. It really feels like looking for unicorn, especially in a small city where I'm really afraid to be seen and recognized as twisted. Sorry for any misconceptions I might have, I've read my fair share of bdsm related information but have no experience.

What do you think I(or anyone) can do to realize this.. dream?