EDIT: Thank you all for the supportive responses. Despite not answering everyone, I read all of your comments and will take your advice into consideration. I will be having a talk with my partner about the subject as well as my therapist to try and find the best solution.

Hello all, Im not sure if this is the right place to post this considering its a subreddit mainly focused on BDSM but Im not sure where else I can look for advice on this subject and would really appreciate if someone could give me advice on the following.

The main issue which I'm facing is not being able to finish during sex or any other related activities to it which has been causing a lot of insecurity. For context this has happened in the past with my ex girlfriend, with whom in two years I only managed to cum twice despite our many attempts at it.

Unfortunately, this is an ongoing problem for me, as the fear of not being able to cross the finish line really affects my mental state during intercourse, which recently happened again with my most recent partner. The thing that worries me the most is that while I'm able to finish normally by myself, this issue always presents itself when I'm with someone else, which leaves me overthinking and having thoughts such as "is there something wrong with me?", "What if I cant finish?" as well as feeling like a failure because I feel like thats one of the main end goals of sex and I can't even do that.

The most hurtful part of this for me is the feeling of disappointing my partner, as it makes them believe something is wrong with them which is never the case, but something that has been said to me before.

I've discarded porn addiction and death grip, as I don't have to use porn every time I need to do this and I've also ensured to lighten my grip to not cause future problems, however the issue is still there and I don't know what else I can do about it.

If someone has had any experience similar to mine or could give me advice I would really appreciate it since I don't know what else I can do to fix it and stop feeling so bad afterwards. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope to hear from someone soon.