This post has been de-listed
It is no longer included in search results and normal feeds (front page, hot posts, subreddit posts, etc). It remains visible only via the author's post history.
I'll try to keep this short while still adding in all relevant details. Basically, I found out that my Daddy omitted some things from me that were relevant to me making an informed decision on whether or not I even wanted to be in the relationship in the first place.
We have been in a long distance relationship for almost 11 months now. I just found out that he lives in a different state. Not a big deal, but I wish he would have been honest about it instead of acting all cagey when I brought up his location. I thought he was just paranoid about safety since he is married with kids (poly, no cheating here). When I say I just found out, I mean I found out literally last weekend. So I ask him to just be honest with me from now on, and he swears he will.
A couple of days ago, I found out that his wife is not comfortable with the depth of feelings he has for me and has always had rules about no feelings with his other partners. A fact he failed to disclose to me. I never would have entered a relationship with him if I knew that. I think it's a big problem to have rules regarding not catching feelings for partners because we are human and can't help it. She is also trying to make rules for what I am and am not allowed to do. I'm not alright with that.
I deeply care for this man, but I feel like he manipulated my ability to give informed consent around starting a relationship with him by keeping relevant facts to himself. He says he kept them from me because he likes me so much and didn't want to lose me. My idiot feelings want to find this cute that he wanted to keep me so badly, but my logical side knows that this is a huge issue and that I can't be in a healthy relationship with someone who lies.
Now he wants to take a break from the D/s dynamic for an undetermined amount of time. It makes me anxious to be in this limbo state. I know the right thing to do is break it off, but I guess I'm looking for validation and a kick in the ass to do it. Also, some advice on how to go about this because I really don't want to hurt him.
Good on you for not only recognizing your boundaries but also his wifeâs. I agree that this is a form of manipulation by omission of facts that may have informed your decision to move forward. I think within their marriage if they agreed together on a rule to not catch feelings for people, yes it may not be realistic but if they both agreed to it then itâs a boundary he knew and didnât respect/inform you on. Her trying to make rules for you guys is a form of her trying to fix manage and control the situation. It isnât right for you but it how she is coping.
For you, none of this is right. You were coerced by not being given information that would have swayed you away from the situation. Him saying he kept this from you because he doesnât want to lose you seems to be like another manipulation. He may have kept it because he didnât want to lose you but thatâs the key. HE doesnât want to. This is selfish and he did this to get what he wants without considering your feelings.
Him taking a break from your dynamic is the perfect opportunity for you to leave, and itâs clear you know this is the right thing to do for yourself. Lies will just continue and you may feel guilt since itâll likely turn into a sneaking around behind his wifeâs back. You donât have to consider his feelings per se in this situation because he didnât consider yours - but you should be mature and honest in you ending things. I would avoid âyouâ statements and focus on yourself and your feelings of the situation and you can validate his as well. For example - this situation has made me feel uneasy. I do care for you but being in limbo has given me time to think and it would be best for everyone involved for me to move on and avoid further hurtâ
Subreddit
Post Details
- Posted
- 8 months ago
- Reddit URL
- View post on reddit.com
- External URL
- reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/...